Women often ask me questions having to do with "neediness".
Things like:
Am I being needy?
How do I know if I'm acting needy?
What does it mean to act needy?
Can I repair my relationship after acting needy?
I can't stop acting needy, what do I do?
And on and on.
You worry about being needy because the term gets thrown around, but nobody stops to actually explain what it means to be "needy"!
Or you notice that some guy: Starts pulling away / withdrawing, Stops texting / calling, Stops initiating contact / seems less interested
The good news is: When you TRULY understand what neediness really is, these things stop happening!
Listen - I can explain what "neediness" actually is, so that you totally understand it and you are naturally never needy again.
And the worst part is, the cause of this evil-sounding "neediness" usually comes from a place that just wants to get closer to the guy.
So good news: I recently did an interview and I'm going to share it with you. I explain exactly what neediness is and how to handle yourself so you are never needy again!
Here it is:
Q: What is the biggest reason you find for people being single? Are most people single on purpose?
A: I work with men and women in helping them get the dating or relationship "situation" that they want. The vast majority of people want to be in a relationship with "the one".
It's funny because despite all the glamorizing of the "single life" as shown on TV and movies, that still doesn't reflect what most men or women are seeking.
I have an inbox stuffed with reader mail... and my heart breaks a bit every time that I see all the questions I just don't have time to answer.
Q: What are some of the most frequently asked dating questions you receive from readers?
A: If I had a dollar for every time I saw the phrase "Help!" or "I'm so confused!", I could put the all of the children of America through college.
The questions take on different forms, but ultimately the pattern is this: the girl likes a guy... he shows some kind of signal that he might like her... then he appears to withdraw. And the poor girl becomes overwhelmed with self-doubt and confusion about the guy and might even start chasing him (and he further withdraws).
Women often ask me questions having to do with "neediness".
Things like:
Am I being needy?
How do I know if I'm acting needy?
What does it mean to act needy?
Can I repair my relationship after acting needy?
I can't stop acting needy, what do I do?
And on and on.
You worry about being needy because the term gets thrown around, but nobody stops to actually explain what it means to be "needy"!
Or you notice that some guy: Starts pulling away / withdrawing, Stops texting / calling, Stops initiating contact / seems less interested
The good news is: When you TRULY understand what neediness really is, these things stop happening!
Listen - I can explain what "neediness" actually is, so that you totally understand it and you are naturally never needy again.
And the worst part is, the cause of this evil-sounding "neediness" usually comes from a place that just wants to get closer to the guy.
So good news: I recently did an interview and I'm going to share it with you. I explain exactly what neediness is and how to handle yourself so you are never needy again!
Q: What is the biggest reason you find for people being single? Are most people single on purpose?
A: I work with men and women in helping them get the dating or relationship "situation" that they want. The vast majority of people want to be in a relationship with "the one".
It's funny because despite all the glamorizing of the "single life" as shown on TV and movies, that still doesn't reflect what most men or women are seeking.
I have an inbox stuffed with reader mail... and my heart breaks a bit every time that I see all the questions I just don't have time to answer.
Q: What are some of the most frequently asked dating questions you receive from readers?
A: If I had a dollar for every time I saw the phrase "Help!" or "I'm so confused!", I could put the all of the children of America through college.
The questions take on different forms, but ultimately the pattern is this: the girl likes a guy... he shows some kind of signal that he might like her... then he appears to withdraw. And the poor girl becomes overwhelmed with self-doubt and confusion about the guy and might even start chasing him (and he further withdraws).
Here it is:
The ultimate question comes down to, "I thought he liked me - what happened?"
Q: Of course, no relationship is the same, but what do you think are the most important qualities in a successful relationship, (communication being obvious)?
A: In a nutshell: Liberate yourself from neediness.
The Western world is becoming increasingly isolating with all of the new forms of entertainment and communication.
I live in the UK, but I feel this issue is almost worldwide now.
Even though we're constantly stimulated, I feel that on a deeper level most people are less and less fulfilled by anything "real" and "genuine". A real person-to-person relationship is as "real and genuine" as it gets.
The sad thing is, most people are STARVING for that level of "real and genuine" communication.
So when the prospect of a relationship or deeper connection shows up, men and women who are starving for it end up acting desperately and clinging to the relationship as if it's the one and only source of joy in their life (and maybe it is).
Sadly, desperation and clinging kills relationships. It smothers the life out of the love and connection because when a person needs the other person to constantly respond to them in a certain way, they start acting "needy".
Happens to guys and to girls. Neediness is a state of mind.
And in order to treat and eliminate the neediness state of mind, men and women need to start living more balanced, more fulfilling, more enjoyable lives. Relationships work best when they're the "icing on the cake", so to speak. When your life is so full and enjoyable that you'd be OK with or without a relationship, then you are in the position to truly connect with your partner on the deepest, most genuine level because you are liberated from neediness.
Q: Here's a loaded question. What do you find are the biggest mistakes people make within or when looking for a relationship?
A: Biggest mistakes... Hmmm...
Well, for one, living a lifestyle that leads you towards neediness is the fundamental mistake in most cases.
Another major mistake (and forgive me for being somewhat philosophical on this point), but it is: Having the feeling that you are "not enough".
This KILLS relationships. It feeds into the neediness too since it compels people to use their relationship as a crutch to "feel like enough", when really their focus should be on finding how to be enough by themselves, so that they can give their best to their relationship.
When a person doesn't feel they're enough, they end up sucking life OUT of the relationship instead of pumping life INTO the relationship. Too much sucking out and not enough pumping in will suck the life out of the relationship. (OK, upon reading that again that sounds kind of dirty... not intentional, keep your mind out of the gutter.)
And when someone sucks the life out of their relationship, they end up resenting their partner for not giving them the same "juice" that they used to get from them. They become addicted to taking, and when the well runs dry, they resent their partner and don't want to give anything.
Both people in the relationship need to be living full lives so that they can keep pumping life into the relationship. It's perfectly fine and healthy to lean on your partner once in a while, but when it becomes an ongoing habit, the relationship suffers (and if it goes on for too long, the relationship crumbles).
-----------------
So that's it. Hope that was helpful.
All the best,
Alex
P.S. Again, you are not alone - lots of women have felt that neediness has taken a toll on their relationship at one point or another.
No comments:
Post a Comment